oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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