You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Randomize