I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize