my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You know, be my cock's hype man.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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