just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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