I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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