the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize