That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
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Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
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If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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