Michael Bay diarrhea
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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