I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
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Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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