im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
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I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
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Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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