She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
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First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
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No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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