i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
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