I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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