I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize