I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
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I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
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How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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