My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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