Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize