I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
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