I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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