it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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