hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
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Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
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I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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