Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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