based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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