if i can run in heels then i can drive
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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