Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize