i just had sex bonerless
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize