the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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