My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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