His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
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I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
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Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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