So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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