bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
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I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
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