Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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