I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I forgot how hot balto sounded
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
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the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
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And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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