Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
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