Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
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It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
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we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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