Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize