I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
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Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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