also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize