You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
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