he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
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the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
should my penis look like a turkey
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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