I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Help. Why am I so naked?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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