We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize