I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
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We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
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Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
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