If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
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