So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
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I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
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These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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