i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
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I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
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