apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
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im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
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Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
well, you know. whores of a feather.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
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