I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize