so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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